September 5, 2012 — Every so often, an analogy occurs to me that I love. Today, with the Dallas Cowboys playing the New York Giants in the NFL season opener, I’m forced to contemplate the ongoing problem of Jerry Jones.

And that’s when it hit me that, if your favorite pro sports teams are like your siblings, then the owners of those teams are the in-laws that you don’t get to choose. To take it a step farther, you love your siblings unconditionally, but you’re apt to blame their problems or even credit their successes to their spouses or “that side of the family.”

Here’s how it goes for my favorite sports teams, which are the Dallas/Fort Worth metro teams:

The Dallas Cowboys — These in-laws, the Joneses, swept the Cowboys off their feet in the late 1980s and a lot of our side of the family didn’t too much care for the new bride even then. Some of our side still hasn’t forgiven the Cowboys for dumping the old girlfriend (Bum Bright and coach Tom Landry) and eloping with the Joneses. But for those of us who weren’t old enough to know or care, the in-laws were great for a while. Remember those three Super Bowls? Did you enjoy those? But since then, the in-laws have been kind of controlling and the family doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

The Dallas Mavericks — Okay, so these in-laws are extremely loud and obnoxious, but we’re more than willing to overlook it. The Mavericks were undoubtedly the black sheep of the family — in and out of rehab, couldn’t hold a job — until the Cubans came along. They cause a lot of drama at family reunions and they get all the credit for our sibling’s success, but we would rather have it this way than the old way.

The Texas Rangers — We’re in love with them. We would actually rather hang out with the Ryans than our own family. We can’t remember what life was like before they came along and we don’t want to.

The Dallas Stars — Actually, the Stars are more like a distant cousin. They’re married but we don’t even remember the wife’s name, much less know anything about the in-laws. We met them in the late 1990s and they were cool, if that’s even the same set of in-laws. We don’t know and don’t really care, unless the happen to throw a really cool party (translation: get to the Stanley Cup Finals again).

Photo via USA Today.

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