Since it’s about that time of year, this is who the 10 Big 12 football teams would be if you were a 10th grade boy and they were 10 girls you were considering asking to the homecoming football game and dance. It’s semi inspired by the fact that Iowa State is playing homecomings the next two weeks at Texas Tech and Baylor. A friend and ISU alum said that makes the Cyclones the popular girl whom all the boys want to date. I disagree. (Glossary: A yes means your team can beat that team, a no means your team will lose to that team).

Oklahoma is the senior girl who only dates quarterbacks.

Texas Tech is the girl whom you want to ask because you think she might say “yes” and make out with you at halftime, but she might also say “no.”

Texas is the girl who just got turned down by the captain of the debate team so everyone thinks they have a chance. The jury is still out. (I’m also tempted to write that Texas is Miley Cyrus, but that’s probably a different list).

Baylor is the girl you’ve already decided is way out of your league.

Oklahoma State is the girl you took in elementary school, but she’s been out of your league lately, so you’re scared to ask.

West Virginia is the really cute girl who is missing a front tooth.

Iowa State is the safety girl you’ll probably end up asking as a friend date.

Kansas State is the girl you wanted to ask last year.

TCU is the girl you wanted to ask two years ago.

Kansas is the girl you’re afraid to ask because you can’t deal with the embarrassment of her saying “no.”

—

Photo from Perfect Bridal.